Yesterday I went to Singapore Day in London.
"ALAMAK! FINISHED LIAO?..."
Singapore's not just that "Disneyland with the Death Penalty". If Singapore were a theme park, Singapore would be better described as the "Disneyland consisting of one big asian fusion restaurant where a hundred Singaporeans will inexplicably queue in orderly lines for two hours just to eat one plate of hawker food."
While listening to National Day songs. Oh and fireworks, weapons, and butter knives are not allowed inside, and there is no alcohol menu or smoking area. Someone's going to crack a joke about the increase on cigarette and alcohol tax in Singapore. And yes, they are going to bust out the COUNT ON ME SINGAPORE song any moment now.
"WHAT? NO BUTTER KNIVES?
But... I was going to bring my Butter Knife Collection
to show off to the other Singaporeans..."
But all that is probably going to be okay with everyone, as long as everyone gets UNLIMITED FREE CHAR KWAY TEOW, MEE SOTO, CHICKEN RICE, INDIAN ROJAK AND BBQ STINGRAY!
I suppose if Singapore were to be re-envisioned as a theme park, it would actually probably look like this anyway: a theme park where people would patiently queue for hours to eat some (very excellent) local food. Everyone would spend ages queuing, and then eating, and then queuing, and then eating, and then queuing and eating and then.... after that everyone would just go straight home. Oh wait that was also exactly what happened at Singapore Day.
Such a day can only be complete after you have stolen some of the chilli sauce from the Chicken Rice stall.
As for other types of entertainment at this Theme Park of Singapore, there will be lots of things to take photos with, and naturally there will be a MINDEF booth where you can do pushups, sit-ups, long jumps, or try lifting a fully loaded army field pack, or take photos of yourself as the stars in various government campaign posters.
LOOK AT THE MANY CUTOUTS OF BEATIFIC SMILING SINGAPOREAN FAMILIES!!!
"Wow! How did you know that I have forgotten what HDBs are after leaving Singapore for a few months, so you'll have to tell me in detail about them all over again?
We were trying to tell these ladies that they were holding the dragon playground upside down at first.
They were all like, "WHAT IS THIS? I DONT EVEN KNOW?"
PULLUPS FOR ENTERTAINMENT???
"How nostalgic! Now I can relive the precious moment in which I spectacularly failed my NAPFA test in secondary school!"
TRY ON THE FULL WEIGHT OF AN ARMY FIELD PACK FOR ENTERTAINMENT???
"Why of course! How did you know that I'd like to role play as a National Serviceman in my free time?"
COME ON SINGAPORE TOGETHER WE WORK BETTER!!!
In the end, you know they probably didn't mean to sound so didactic. Everyone was filled with good intentions.
They just wanted to make sure that everybody knows that SEAT BELTS SAVE LIVES!!!
Thanks to Lisa and Cliff for going around the place with me, and all the people who flew in to London just to feed and entertain everybody at Singapore Day. All of the food was so good that it was well worth the queuing!